Episodes
| Title | First Broadcast | Repeated | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|
| Adoption | 20220831 | Amanda and Helen both chose to adopt but, as the adoption progressed and became more and more difficult, they both made very different choices about how to deal with an increasingly desperate situation.
A single mum, Amanda adopted her daughter when she was five years old. She had already had several emergency removals from her birth parents. After Amanda adopted her, the child had huge struggles with behaviour and with the school system in particular. Amanda could not get the help she needed and came close to breaking point, so she decided to make a radical choice and begin again. She sold her house and moved with her daughter to the countryside. There, they embarked on a new life of home-schooling, more freedom, and spending a lot of time out in the open air.
Helen and her husband already had two birth children when they decided to adopt their daughter. The girl came to them as a baby, severely neglected. They nurtured her, but by the time she was approaching secondary school age, the daughter's behaviour plummeted. She started stealing and lying, and was often extremely angry and destructive. What assistance they had from social services, psychologists and others proved of little use. The family's situation continued to deteriorate. Then, when her daughter was 16, Helen finally felt forced to make the hardest decision of her life - to end the adoption and give her daughter back.
What were the consequences of their very different decisions? And how is life looking for them now, and for their respective daughters?
Amanda and Helen share their stories with Catherine Carr, and exchange gifts which shed light on their own stories and will, they hope, have meaning for the other person.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience and their differences. They bring a gift. Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Adoption | 20220831 | 20221119 (R4) | Amanda and Helen both chose to adopt but, as the adoption progressed and became more and more difficult, they both made very different choices about how to deal with an increasingly desperate situation.
A single mum, Amanda adopted her daughter when she was five years old. She had already had several emergency removals from her birth parents. After Amanda adopted her, the child had huge struggles with behaviour and with the school system in particular. Amanda could not get the help she needed and came close to breaking point, so she decided to make a radical choice and begin again. She sold her house and moved with her daughter to the countryside. There, they embarked on a new life of home-schooling, more freedom, and spending a lot of time out in the open air.
Helen and her husband already had two birth children when they decided to adopt their daughter. The girl came to them as a baby, severely neglected. They nurtured her, but by the time she was approaching secondary school age, the daughter's behaviour plummeted. She started stealing and lying, and was often extremely angry and destructive. What assistance they had from social services, psychologists and others proved of little use. The family's situation continued to deteriorate. Then, when her daughter was 16, Helen finally felt forced to make the hardest decision of her life - to end the adoption and give her daughter back.
What were the consequences of their very different decisions? And how is life looking for them now, and for their respective daughters?
Amanda and Helen share their stories with Catherine Carr, and exchange gifts which shed light on their own stories and will, they hope, have meaning for the other person.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience and their differences. They bring a gift. Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Breaking With Tradition | 20220907 | 20221126 (R4) | Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences and uncover the differences between them. Emily and John both grew up in strict religious communities where centuries old traditions are preserved in the modern world. Religious laws governed everything from their clothes to their diet. Each community maintained a degree of separation from the secular' world. John grew up in America, within the Amish community. His first language was Pennsylvanian Dutch, his clothes - simple fabric, plain coloured - were handmade. Transport was by horse and buggy instead of by car, and contact with the outside world was minimal. Emily grew up in London's Hasidic Jewish community, noted for its religious conservatism and social seclusion. Its members adhere closely to a traditional dress code. Yiddish is spoken and there are strict laws about physical contact between the genders. John ran away at 17, Emily was older when she broke away. One of them has now reconnected with their old community. Together they share the challenges of growing up with rules they found impossible to reconcile with their personal needs. They also describe adjusting to life on the outside' - learning to use technology for the first time, choosing their own clothes, adapting to manners in a secular society and embracing new freedoms that for many years were out of reach. John's path has taken him into a career he would never have envisaged while growing up in a community that shunned technology. Emily meanwhile has expanded her career beyond anything that seemed possible in her former life. Emily also continues to support others who have taken the decision to explore living beyond their Ultra-Orthodox communities through the charity Gesher EU. Presented by Catherine Carr Produced by Nicola Humphries Executive Editor: Louise Cotton A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4 Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences and uncover the differences between them. Emily and John both grew up in strict religious communities where centuries old traditions are preserved in the modern world. Religious laws governed everything from their clothes to their diet. Each community maintained a degree of separation from the secular' world. John grew up in America, within the Amish community. His first language was Pennsylvanian Dutch, his clothes - simple fabric, plain coloured - were handmade. Transport was by horse and buggy instead of by car, and contact with the outside world was minimal. Emily grew up in London's Hasidic Jewish community, noted for its religious conservatism and social seclusion. Its members adhere closely to a traditional dress code. Yiddish is spoken and there are strict laws about physical contact between the genders. John ran away at 17, Emily was older when she broke away. One of them has now reconnected with their old community. Together they share the challenges of growing up with rules they found impossible to reconcile with their personal needs. They also describe adjusting to life on the outside' - learning to use technology for the first time, choosing their own clothes, adapting to manners in a secular society and embracing new freedoms that for many years were out of reach. John's path has taken him into a career he would never have envisaged while growing up in a community that shunned technology. Emily meanwhile has expanded her career beyond anything that seemed possible in her former life. Emily also continues to support others who have taken the decision to explore living beyond their Ultra-Orthodox communities through the charity Gesher EU. Presented by Catherine Carr Produced by Nicola Humphries Executive Editor: Louise Cotton A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4 Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Elderly Care | 20220406 | Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Fran and Rashid both faced difficult decisions when their elderly parents needed care. The choices they made were different, but they grappled with a common experience that is familiar to so many.
Fran was a full-time professional living in Bristol when her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and needed care. She decided against a care home and brought her mother to live with her and her family until she died several months later. Fran now makes a two hour round trip every weekend to visit her father, who is in his 90s, has dementia and lives in his own home with support from a carer.
Rashid runs a family business in Bristol. He was a child when he arrived in the UK with his family in the early 1970s, having been expelled from Uganda, along with 50,000 Asians, on the orders of President Idi Amin. When his mother needed care after a fall, she initially went to live with her eldest son in Kenya. But she missed Rashid and her other children who were all in the UK. When she returned, the family realised her complex needs meant she needed nursing care. Rashid says they looked at all the options but, although it was an incredibly hard decision to make, he realised in the end that a nursing home was the best place for his mother to get all the care she needed.
At the heart of their exchange is the desire to do the best thing for their parent. Their conversation lays bare the difficult decisions people often have to make about caring for elderly relatives.
The pair exchange gifts which reveal their own stories and show an insight into each other's struggles.
Presented by Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Elderly Care | 20220406 | 20220409 (R4) | Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Fran and Rashid both faced difficult decisions when their elderly parents needed care. The choices they made were different, but they grappled with a common experience that is familiar to so many.
Fran was a full-time professional living in Bristol when her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and needed care. She decided against a care home and brought her mother to live with her and her family until she died several months later. Fran now makes a two hour round trip every weekend to visit her father, who is in his 90s, has dementia and lives in his own home with support from a carer.
Rashid runs a family business in Bristol. He was a child when he arrived in the UK with his family in the early 1970s, having been expelled from Uganda, along with 50,000 Asians, on the orders of President Idi Amin. When his mother needed care after a fall, she initially went to live with her eldest son in Kenya. But she missed Rashid and her other children who were all in the UK. When she returned, the family realised her complex needs meant she needed nursing care. Rashid says they looked at all the options but, although it was an incredibly hard decision to make, he realised in the end that a nursing home was the best place for his mother to get all the care she needed.
At the heart of their exchange is the desire to do the best thing for their parent. Their conversation lays bare the difficult decisions people often have to make about caring for elderly relatives.
The pair exchange gifts which reveal their own stories and show an insight into each other's struggles.
Presented by Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Faith and Sexuality | 20210804 | Two people who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Saima Razzaq and Teddy Prout both had to make a choice about their faith when they came out as gay.
Teddy was a teenage Evangelical Christian when he came out. But when his church tried to `cure` him and `pray away the gay`, Teddy started to question his beliefs. He began a decade long journey from Christianity to atheism, and humanism. He still feels angry for the 16-year-old boy who was rejected by his religious community.
Saima is a British Pakistani who was prepared for a battle when she came out in her twenties. She was surprised to find being both a Muslim and a lesbian was not a big deal for most of her Birmingham community.
Teddy and Saima share how hard it is to leave a faith, and to stay in a faith. They give away something precious to both of them - symbols of their identity and their personal stories.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Producer: Louise Cotton
Executive Producer: Jo Rowntree
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4.
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Faith and Sexuality | 20210804 | 20210807 (R4) | Two people who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Saima Razzaq and Teddy Prout both had to make a choice about their faith when they came out as gay.
Teddy was a teenage Evangelical Christian when he came out. But when his church tried to `cure` him and `pray away the gay`, Teddy started to question his beliefs. He began a decade long journey from Christianity to atheism, and humanism. He still feels angry for the 16-year-old boy who was rejected by his religious community.
Saima is a British Pakistani who was prepared for a battle when she came out in her twenties. She was surprised to find being both a Muslim and a lesbian was not a big deal for most of her Birmingham community.
Teddy and Saima share how hard it is to leave a faith, and to stay in a faith. They give away something precious to both of them - symbols of their identity and their personal stories.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Producer: Louise Cotton
Executive Producer: Jo Rowntree
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4.
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Flooding | 20220420 | Catherine Carr brings together two people whose homes have been flooded. After years of battling, one decided to leave, while the other decided to stay. They share their stories and exchange gifts. Their presents unlock each of their decisions, and tell something deeper about what they've been through.
Lynne Jones and Selena Whitehead have a stressful experience in common. Both their homes - on opposite sides of the country - have flooded multiple times. They lost countless possessions, most heart-breaking for both were photographs of their children when they were small and presents given by relatives.
They both talk about the emotion of seeing the sanctuary of your home turned into a dank, dusty, dirty shell and they speak of how hard it is to turn that shell back into a place of comfort and belonging again.
The idea of home is complex and emotional but, ultimately, is the building that you call home worth the risk of living next to a river that floods?
Presented by Catherine Carr
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two people who share the horror of being flooded, come together to exchange stories. Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Flooding | 20220420 | 20220423 (R4) | Catherine Carr brings together two people whose homes have been flooded. After years of battling, one decided to leave, while the other decided to stay. They share their stories and exchange gifts. Their presents unlock each of their decisions, and tell something deeper about what they've been through.
Lynne Jones and Selena Whitehead have a stressful experience in common. Both their homes - on opposite sides of the country - have flooded multiple times. They lost countless possessions, most heart-breaking for both were photographs of their children when they were small and presents given by relatives.
They both talk about the emotion of seeing the sanctuary of your home turned into a dank, dusty, dirty shell and they speak of how hard it is to turn that shell back into a place of comfort and belonging again.
The idea of home is complex and emotional but, ultimately, is the building that you call home worth the risk of living next to a river that floods?
Presented by Catherine Carr
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two people who share the horror of being flooded, come together to exchange stories. Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Forgiveness | 20210818 | Two people who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Figen Murray and Bryn Hughes are strangers, but in a curious way they say they already know each other. They describe themselves as `members of a club no one wants to join`. Both are parents of children who were murdered and that means between them `there are no surprises, no revelations about who we are and what we are, because we already know`.
In 2017, Figen's son Martyn was killed with 21 other people in the Manchester Arena attack. The bomber blew himself up and, one month later, Figen went on national TV and forgave him.
In 2012, Bryn's daughter Nicola, a police officer, answered a routine call with a colleague. Both officers were shot and killed in an ambush. Nicola's killer is serving a whole life sentence.
For Bryn, forgiving the man is a concept he cannot understand.
Forgiveness was the right choice for Figen, but she says, `I met with a lot of resistance and confusion. Some of my other children struggled with it. A lot of my friends struggled with it. And of course, I got slated on Twitter. I got trolled really badly for it.`
Bryn wonders whether forgiveness is `too final` for him and whether he is scared to make that decision even though it might help him heal.
The pair exchange gifts which reveal their own stories and show an insight into each other and the children they've lost.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Producer: Louise Cotton
Executive Producer: Jo Rowntree
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Forgiveness | 20210818 | 20210821 (R4) | Two people who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Figen Murray and Bryn Hughes are strangers, but in a curious way they say they already know each other. They describe themselves as `members of a club no one wants to join`. Both are parents of children who were murdered and that means between them `there are no surprises, no revelations about who we are and what we are, because we already know`.
In 2017, Figen's son Martyn was killed with 21 other people in the Manchester Arena attack. The bomber blew himself up and, one month later, Figen went on national TV and forgave him.
In 2012, Bryn's daughter Nicola, a police officer, answered a routine call with a colleague. Both officers were shot and killed in an ambush. Nicola's killer is serving a whole life sentence.
For Bryn, forgiving the man is a concept he cannot understand.
Forgiveness was the right choice for Figen, but she says, `I met with a lot of resistance and confusion. Some of my other children struggled with it. A lot of my friends struggled with it. And of course, I got slated on Twitter. I got trolled really badly for it.`
Bryn wonders whether forgiveness is `too final` for him and whether he is scared to make that decision even though it might help him heal.
The pair exchange gifts which reveal their own stories and show an insight into each other and the children they've lost.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Producer: Louise Cotton
Executive Producer: Jo Rowntree
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Honesty | 20220413 | Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - something that unlocks their story. Together with presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Michael and Dina have both made radical choices about how they interact with the world and everyone in it - choices about honesty and the lies we tell ourselves and each other.
Michael Leviton was a raised in family where honesty was the only policy. Michael's parents believed that it was important to share what was on your mind at all times, and never conceal something with a lie - not even to protect someone's feelings. As he got older, however, Michael found that this kind of radical honesty was detrimental to relationships - romantic and platonic - and employment. Following a heartbreak, Michael decided his incessant truth-telling was no longer worth it and, at the age of 29, vowed to be less honest and to start lying in his social interactions.
Dina Kaplan is the opposite. For most of her life, she told little white lies like most of us do. But in 2012, she went on a ten-day silent retreat which required her to sign a series of vows to join the programme. This included a vow of honesty, which didn't seem so intimidating. But at the end of the retreat, Dina was told that these vows now applied to the rest of her life. At that moment, she decided to try an experiment - to live her working and personal life never lying about anything, ever.
Dina had always considered herself a pretty honest person. But now - committed to stopping all lying (except to save the life of someone or to protect their health) - Dina was shocked to discover how often she lied to people about little, inconsequential things. Dina continues to live as honestly as possible.
Dina and Michael exchange gifts which shed light on their own stories and will, they hope, have meaning for the other.
With thanks to Dina Kaplan: https://www.thepath.com/dina and Michael Leviton: http://michaelleviton.com/explanations/
Presented by Catherine Carr
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Honesty | 20220413 | 20220416 (R4) | Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - something that unlocks their story. Together with presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Michael and Dina have both made radical choices about how they interact with the world and everyone in it - choices about honesty and the lies we tell ourselves and each other.
Michael Leviton was a raised in family where honesty was the only policy. Michael's parents believed that it was important to share what was on your mind at all times, and never conceal something with a lie - not even to protect someone's feelings. As he got older, however, Michael found that this kind of radical honesty was detrimental to relationships - romantic and platonic - and employment. Following a heartbreak, Michael decided his incessant truth-telling was no longer worth it and, at the age of 29, vowed to be less honest and to start lying in his social interactions.
Dina Kaplan is the opposite. For most of her life, she told little white lies like most of us do. But in 2012, she went on a ten-day silent retreat which required her to sign a series of vows to join the programme. This included a vow of honesty, which didn't seem so intimidating. But at the end of the retreat, Dina was told that these vows now applied to the rest of her life. At that moment, she decided to try an experiment - to live her working and personal life never lying about anything, ever.
Dina had always considered herself a pretty honest person. But now - committed to stopping all lying (except to save the life of someone or to protect their health) - Dina was shocked to discover how often she lied to people about little, inconsequential things. Dina continues to live as honestly as possible.
Dina and Michael exchange gifts which shed light on their own stories and will, they hope, have meaning for the other.
With thanks to Dina Kaplan: https://www.thepath.com/dina and Michael Leviton: http://michaelleviton.com/explanations/
Presented by Catherine Carr
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Migration | 20210825 | Catherine Carr brings together two people who share a common experience but have made radically different choices in life. Each has a gift that unlocks their story.
Francisco Carrasco and Shakur Shidane (Shaks) were children when they escaped political oppression and civil war. Now one has returned to the country of his birth, and the other is staying in the UK.
Shaks left Somalia on the back of a truck when he only five or six years old. In 1994, after more than two years, the family reached London - and safety. Decades later, Shaks has returned to Mogadishu.
Francisco Carrasco was eleven years old when his family left Chile. His father, an economist and politician, was held in concentration camps by the Pinochet regime. In 1975, the Chilean authorities gave the family 48-hours to get out of the country. They were not allowed to return home until 1990 - and by then, Francisco says, `my Chile had gone`. Home is now Liverpool and he is applying for British citizenship.
At the heart of their exchange is the concept of belonging.
For both, home is complex and mutable, but ultimately is it about people or place?
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Migration | 20210825 | 20210828 (R4) | Catherine Carr brings together two people who share a common experience but have made radically different choices in life. Each has a gift that unlocks their story.
Francisco Carrasco and Shakur Shidane (Shaks) were children when they escaped political oppression and civil war. Now one has returned to the country of his birth, and the other is staying in the UK.
Shaks left Somalia on the back of a truck when he only five or six years old. In 1994, after more than two years, the family reached London - and safety. Decades later, Shaks has returned to Mogadishu.
Francisco Carrasco was eleven years old when his family left Chile. His father, an economist and politician, was held in concentration camps by the Pinochet regime. In 1975, the Chilean authorities gave the family 48-hours to get out of the country. They were not allowed to return home until 1990 - and by then, Francisco says, `my Chile had gone`. Home is now Liverpool and he is applying for British citizenship.
At the heart of their exchange is the concept of belonging.
For both, home is complex and mutable, but ultimately is it about people or place?
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Nurses | 20210811 | Two people who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Craig Davidson and Lisa Sheehy both chose a career in nursing. They share their stories, their decisions about staying and leaving the profession, and exchange their gifts.
At the heart of their exchange is the question of what motivated them to become nurses and why one of them decided to leave. As well as their personal accounts, Lisa and Craig explore the contradictions in nursing and whether the heroic rhetoric around the profession is toxic.
Lisa was a self-confessed eleven year old `geek` when she decided to become a nurse. Breaking her foot doing a cartwheel introduced her to the world of hospitals. She says `there was something about these women helping me. It was an epiphany. I found my vocation.` But between the dream and the reality fell a gruelling and, eventually unsustainable, life.
Ambitious and academic, Lisa specialised in palliative care and rose to a senior job. She describes the gradual `grinding down` as colleagues left and their roles were not filled. The breaking point came when a colleague died suddenly. She'd told her team, `this job is killing me.` It wasn't the job that lead to her death, but it felt like a warning to Lisa.
She handed in her notice the next day and left nursing in 2017. She felt guilty, and still does. What do you do when you leave the vocation you chose at as a child? Lisa joined her actor husband on tour and took an acting role, later trained as a naturopath and now works for a touring opera company. Nursing proved to be a useful place to learn some basic acting skills - `nursing involves a lot of acting. You have to be nice all the time!`
Lisa and Craig share a few uncanny parallels in their lives - they studied nursing at the same Scottish university, and acting is a common thread.
Craig was a 30 year old actor when he decided to give up the stage and become a nurse. He had been offered a place to read medicine at 18 but decided to `run away to London`, come out as gay and pursue a career in drama. He made it onto the West End stage but left when he realised he was not going to make it as a lead player. As he says, `I like being the best!`
Craig quit the stage, had a period of mental illness and returned home to Glasgow where he trained as a nurse. He was following in his mum's footsteps. An award winning student nurse, he qualified as the Covid pandemic struck and his first job was in a Covid hub.
Although he knew what a nursing career involved from his mother, nothing could prepare him.
One night, four of his nine Covid patients died. He describes an environment where guidance changed hour by hour, where he felt unprepared for the enormity of the task and ended up going home to `cry, and cry and cry`. There were times he thought of quitting but says `if you cut me, you will find rings running through me with the word 'nurse'.`
Craig felt a hypocrite. At work he was struggling to cope and becoming `hardened` by his job. In his spare time he was co-hosting his podcast on nursing Retaining the Passion' which focuses on how to keep nurses motivated. He explains how he adapted and re-discovered his love of nursing.
Both take issue with the public and political image of nurses as `angels`. They discuss whether that label is a mechanism for shutting down debate on pay and conditions and ask why nurses who challenge the system are seen as `difficult`. Lisa has finished that fight, and Craig accepts it's now his battle.
At the heart of their exchange is the question of why nurses like Lisa leave, and how that can be reversed. Lisa and Craig wrestle with the contradiction of a profession that demands endless empathy and kindness, but also academic rigour and evidence based judgment. How can you reconcile the duality of a job that seems to require you to be both superhuman and human? They question a professionalism that expects them to tolerate things other professionals would never accept. These are the questions they tackle with honesty and humour.
Lisa walked away from a career she once loved, Craig is detemined to make sure others don't. The gifts they choose for each other reflect the practical and personal demands of nursing, but also the truth that sometimes you have to leave something you once loved to thrive.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Producer: Louise Cotton
Executive Producer: Jo Rowntree
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Nurses | 20210811 | 20210814 (R4) | Two people who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs, as well as uncovering the differences between them.
Craig Davidson and Lisa Sheehy both chose a career in nursing. They share their stories, their decisions about staying and leaving the profession, and exchange their gifts.
At the heart of their exchange is the question of what motivated them to become nurses and why one of them decided to leave. As well as their personal accounts, Lisa and Craig explore the contradictions in nursing and whether the heroic rhetoric around the profession is toxic.
Lisa was a self-confessed eleven year old `geek` when she decided to become a nurse. Breaking her foot doing a cartwheel introduced her to the world of hospitals. She says `there was something about these women helping me. It was an epiphany. I found my vocation.` But between the dream and the reality fell a gruelling and, eventually unsustainable, life.
Ambitious and academic, Lisa specialised in palliative care and rose to a senior job. She describes the gradual `grinding down` as colleagues left and their roles were not filled. The breaking point came when a colleague died suddenly. She'd told her team, `this job is killing me.` It wasn't the job that lead to her death, but it felt like a warning to Lisa.
She handed in her notice the next day and left nursing in 2017. She felt guilty, and still does. What do you do when you leave the vocation you chose at as a child? Lisa joined her actor husband on tour and took an acting role, later trained as a naturopath and now works for a touring opera company. Nursing proved to be a useful place to learn some basic acting skills - `nursing involves a lot of acting. You have to be nice all the time!`
Lisa and Craig share a few uncanny parallels in their lives - they studied nursing at the same Scottish university, and acting is a common thread.
Craig was a 30 year old actor when he decided to give up the stage and become a nurse. He had been offered a place to read medicine at 18 but decided to `run away to London`, come out as gay and pursue a career in drama. He made it onto the West End stage but left when he realised he was not going to make it as a lead player. As he says, `I like being the best!`
Craig quit the stage, had a period of mental illness and returned home to Glasgow where he trained as a nurse. He was following in his mum's footsteps. An award winning student nurse, he qualified as the Covid pandemic struck and his first job was in a Covid hub.
Although he knew what a nursing career involved from his mother, nothing could prepare him.
One night, four of his nine Covid patients died. He describes an environment where guidance changed hour by hour, where he felt unprepared for the enormity of the task and ended up going home to `cry, and cry and cry`. There were times he thought of quitting but says `if you cut me, you will find rings running through me with the word 'nurse'.`
Craig felt a hypocrite. At work he was struggling to cope and becoming `hardened` by his job. In his spare time he was co-hosting his podcast on nursing Retaining the Passion' which focuses on how to keep nurses motivated. He explains how he adapted and re-discovered his love of nursing.
Both take issue with the public and political image of nurses as `angels`. They discuss whether that label is a mechanism for shutting down debate on pay and conditions and ask why nurses who challenge the system are seen as `difficult`. Lisa has finished that fight, and Craig accepts it's now his battle.
At the heart of their exchange is the question of why nurses like Lisa leave, and how that can be reversed. Lisa and Craig wrestle with the contradiction of a profession that demands endless empathy and kindness, but also academic rigour and evidence based judgment. How can you reconcile the duality of a job that seems to require you to be both superhuman and human? They question a professionalism that expects them to tolerate things other professionals would never accept. These are the questions they tackle with honesty and humour.
Lisa walked away from a career she once loved, Craig is detemined to make sure others don't. The gifts they choose for each other reflect the practical and personal demands of nursing, but also the truth that sometimes you have to leave something you once loved to thrive.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Producer: Louise Cotton
Executive Producer: Jo Rowntree
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Obesity | 20220824 | Two strangers, who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - something that unlocks their story. They talk to Catherine Carr, and exchange personal experiences, including the stigma they both face. And they reveal the different choices they have made to manage their weight.
Sarah is 40, from Harrogate. She's currently 24 stone and has recently launched All About Obesity to support people who are living with obesity. She has made the decision to live with her weight and to be the healthiest she can be. Dean is 32, from Redcar, and is recording his weight loss journey on TikTok. He was 27 stone at the beginning of the year and was so fed up with not losing weight, that he made a very different choice to Sarah - he had a gastric bypass. Just two months after surgery, he has already lost five stone.
Dean and Sarah talk frankly about how their childhoods helped form a complicated relationship with food. They reveal the day-to-day experience of living with obesity, and they share experiences about the prejudice they have both encountered. Dean discusses what led him to opt for weight-loss surgery and how it's already improving his self-confidence. Sarah explains how, after years of yo-yo dieting, she's finally accepting the body she's got.
Their conversation couldn't be more timely. About 1 in 4 adults in this country live with obesity. According to recent data analysis by Cancer Research UK, obese adults in England could outnumber people who are a healthy weight as early as the end of this decade if current trends continue, and by 2040 for the whole of Britain.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience and their differences. They bring a gift. Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Obesity | 20220824 | 20221112 (R4) | Two strangers, who share a common experience, meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - something that unlocks their story. They talk to Catherine Carr, and exchange personal experiences, including the stigma they both face. And they reveal the different choices they have made to manage their weight.
Sarah is 40, from Harrogate. She's currently 24 stone and has recently launched All About Obesity to support people who are living with obesity. She has made the decision to live with her weight and to be the healthiest she can be. Dean is 32, from Redcar, and is recording his weight loss journey on TikTok. He was 27 stone at the beginning of the year and was so fed up with not losing weight, that he made a very different choice to Sarah - he had a gastric bypass. Just two months after surgery, he has already lost five stone.
Dean and Sarah talk frankly about how their childhoods helped form a complicated relationship with food. They reveal the day-to-day experience of living with obesity, and they share experiences about the prejudice they have both encountered. Dean discusses what led him to opt for weight-loss surgery and how it's already improving his self-confidence. Sarah explains how, after years of yo-yo dieting, she's finally accepting the body she's got.
Their conversation couldn't be more timely. About 1 in 4 adults in this country live with obesity. According to recent data analysis by Cancer Research UK, obese adults in England could outnumber people who are a healthy weight as early as the end of this decade if current trends continue, and by 2040 for the whole of Britain.
Presenter: Catherine Carr
Two strangers meet to share a common experience and their differences. They bring a gift. Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |
| Status | 20220427 | Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences and uncover the differences between them.
Jeremy Schwartz and Alex Murray both achieved high status in their careers - Jeremy as a chief executive for major companies, Alex as a senior officer in the Royal Marines.
In their encounter, the two men explore what status has meant to them throughout their lives, how it affects their identity and what the consequences are of walking away from it or chasing it.
Jeremy describes how his father's refugee experience shaped his attitude towards success. His father escaped the Nazis in Vienna and came to London. Seeing the gap ?between ?the status his father was capable of achieving ?and ?what he ?actually ?achieved in the UK ?was a driving force in Jeremy's own life: ?`I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I saw ?the pursuit of status as important.` ?He enjoyed success in management at major brands such as L'Oreal, Coca Cola, Sainsburys and The Body Shop. His marketing talent helped shape some of the most effective brands of the past 30 years.?
For him, status is a complex blend of wealth, power and respect. But, in his 50s, Jeremy left his last CEO role and has not been able to secure a job at that level since. He reveals how the loss of that title or ?`calling card` ?has a profound effect on self worth. But in the end, it's made him reflect on the value of status:? `In the end it is about the impact you can make in life.`?
Alex Murray left the Royal Marines with rank and kudos, but life outside the military was a struggle. He could not find fulfilment in the corporate world but was trapped by his expectations of money and status: ?`I just thought that someone with my background and what I'd done ought to be earning a certain amount. It took 10 years to realise you only have one shot at this life, and you need to make it count.`?
His? wife saw a job in the prison service advertised in the paper. `You're good at looking after lads,` she said. ?He ?applied and ?got it. ?He's now ?studying for a Masters in running prisons alongside doing this job.? Alex says he had to ?get over ?wanting the status of a highly paid career and accept that true satisfaction for him lies in a job without high status: ?`I just wanted to do something where I could feel like I was making a difference.`
Presented by Catherine Carr
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. | |
| Status | 20220427 | 20220430 (R4) | Two people who share a common experience meet for the first time. Each has a gift for the other - an object that unlocks their story. With the help of presenter Catherine Carr, they exchange personal experiences and uncover the differences between them.
Jeremy Schwartz and Alex Murray both achieved high status in their careers - Jeremy as a chief executive for major companies, Alex as a senior officer in the Royal Marines.
In their encounter, the two men explore what status has meant to them throughout their lives, how it affects their identity and what the consequences are of walking away from it or chasing it.
Jeremy describes how his father's refugee experience shaped his attitude towards success. His father escaped the Nazis in Vienna and came to London. Seeing the gap ?between ?the status his father was capable of achieving ?and ?what he ?actually ?achieved in the UK ?was a driving force in Jeremy's own life: ?`I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I saw ?the pursuit of status as important.` ?He enjoyed success in management at major brands such as L'Oreal, Coca Cola, Sainsburys and The Body Shop. His marketing talent helped shape some of the most effective brands of the past 30 years.?
For him, status is a complex blend of wealth, power and respect. But, in his 50s, Jeremy left his last CEO role and has not been able to secure a job at that level since. He reveals how the loss of that title or ?`calling card` ?has a profound effect on self worth. But in the end, it's made him reflect on the value of status:? `In the end it is about the impact you can make in life.`?
Alex Murray left the Royal Marines with rank and kudos, but life outside the military was a struggle. He could not find fulfilment in the corporate world but was trapped by his expectations of money and status: ?`I just thought that someone with my background and what I'd done ought to be earning a certain amount. It took 10 years to realise you only have one shot at this life, and you need to make it count.`?
His? wife saw a job in the prison service advertised in the paper. `You're good at looking after lads,` she said. ?He ?applied and ?got it. ?He's now ?studying for a Masters in running prisons alongside doing this job.? Alex says he had to ?get over ?wanting the status of a highly paid career and accept that true satisfaction for him lies in a job without high status: ?`I just wanted to do something where I could feel like I was making a difference.`
Presented by Catherine Carr
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4
Two strangers meet to share a common experience, and their differences. They bring a gift. |