Getting Nowhere Fast
First broadcast from 20011123 to 20040618. (* = BBC7).
Former lovers and now middle aged business partners, Pam and Merv try to 'get with it' by opening a Cyber section in their Vodka and Veggie cafe.
Sitcom by Mervyn Stutter.
- In the first series it's revealed that Neville is 28, in the second series Chantal is also 28.
- Michael Mears is listed in the credits, though I can't find any other reference to him being in it, so it could be a different actor with a slightly different spelling.
14 episodes
| Series | Episode | Title | First Broadcast | Repeated | Description |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 01 | Up The Cyber Pass | 20011123 | 20030319, * 20070102, * 20070103, * 20070927, * 20070928, * 20090630 | Chantal tells all about her latest bit of plastic surgery and Merv tries to persuade Pam that love is more important than the money of her new, yet forever absent husband Dominic. Oh and the computers get stolen too! |
| 01 | 02 | Friday Night Is Vinyl Night | 20011130 | 20030326, * 20070109, * 20070110, * 20071004, * 20071005, * 20090707 |  The return of Pam's absent husband, Dominic, means that Merv faces the double dilemma of finding a new job and a new place to live. The regulars in the vodka and veggie bar offer their advice, but as ever Merv has his own ideas on how to woo his ex and attract some new customers. |
| 01 | 03 | Love Bytes | 20011207 | 20030409, * 20070116, * 20070117, * 20071011, * 20071012, * 20090714 |  Pam discovers the joy of online dating with Duvet Derek from Luton, whilst Merv launches The Cyber Pass' very own Love Byte Night by advertising on RumpyPumpy dotcom."Love Byte Night at the Cyber Pass" is Mervyn's big idea to get punters in. But will Pam learn to love the joy of texts? |
| 01 | 04 LAST | Up On The Roof | 20011214 | 20030416, * 20070123, * 20070124, * 20071018, * 20071019, * 20090721 |  Dominic's cold-hearted decision to turn the vodka and veggie cafe into a rehab clinic leads to non-violent direct action from the Waterloo Sunset Pensioner Commune Heavy Metal Ensemble. |
| 02 | 01 | 20030418 | * 20070130, * 20070131, * 20071206, * 20071207, * 20090728 |  Chantal's biological clock is ticking. She knows she must have a baby and she desperately needs to find a mate. Pamela remembers that feeling only too well. So does Merv and he wishes he didn't. But for Chantal the hunt for a suitable piece of trouser is on! | |
| 02 | 02 | 20030425 | * 20070206, * 20070207, * 20071213, * 20071214, * 20090804 |  Feeling old and penniless, 1960s flower child Merv decides to return to his garden roots.Merv is becoming very aware that those he once described as 'old' will soon include himself. Has he prepared for this? Has he ever really thought about it? No - he is still struggling with the idea of being a menopausal flower child. So what does a penniless Child of the Sixties do as a pensioner? Go back to the garden of course. Merv tries out the Commune again. Merv is becoming very aware that he will soon be 'old'. So what does a penniless Child of The Sixties do as a pensioner? | |
| 02 | 03 | 20030502 | * 20070213, * 20070214, * 20071220, * 20071221, * 20090825 |  Competitive capitalism engulfs the bistro as Merv creates an internal market. Stars Mervyn Stutter. From May 2003.Competitive capitalism engulfs the bistro as Merv creates an internal market. From 2003. Pamela hoists the Union Flag to commemorate the demise of Thatcher, and a tidal wave of competitive capitalism engulfs the bistro. The CyberPass becomes a lean machine as Merv goes on a Course and creates an internal market. Dibden gets a Loyalty Card for Services to Drink, Chantal sells Free Range Adult Magazines, and even Neville takes to the street in a surge of private enterprise. Pamela hoists the Union Flag to commemorate the demise of Thatcher and a tidal wave of capitalism engulfs the bistro. | |
| 02 | 04 LAST | 20030509 | * 20070220, * 20070221, * 20071227, * 20071228, * 20090901 |  In the 21st century the belated burning of bras hits the bistro as Pamela suddenly realises that all the men in her life have been hopeless, and decides to join the Pretoria Avenue Women's Group. Merv disagrees - he is one of them. Dilkes discovers murder most foul - a dead chicken. Neville discovers Nigella Lawson and Pamela renounces the Oven and embraces the Coven. Edith is happy just to get her kit off. | |
| 03 | 01 | 20040514 | 20041027, * 20090908 |  Like many a Menopausal Flower Child before him, Merv discovers his Inner Cowboy. This plus a surprise gift from his uncle Lonesome Larry Pond has him dreaming of the open road again. But can you park a horse on double yellows? | |
| 03 | 02 | 20040521 | 20041103, * 20090915 |  There have been burglars at the CyberPass bistro. Merv sits up alone to confront them? Who is it? What do they want? And what will he actually do when they come? Someone has got Merv by the Delias. | |
| 03 | 03 | 20040528 | 20041110, * 20090922 |  The peace and tranquillity of the CyberPass is suddenly shaken to the core as a huge emotional trauma engulfs them all - Neville is dumped by his girlfriend. Oh hold the front page!. | |
| 03 | 04 | 20040604 | 20041117, * 20090929 |  When Pam declares war on gravity, fat is a feminist issue for her - and everyone else. Stars Mervyn Stutter. From May 2004.When Pam declares war on gravity, fat is a feminist issue for her - and everyone else. If Isaac Newton had been a middle aged woman he would have discovered gravity much sooner. But would he have joined a gym? Fat is a feminist issue - and everybody else's when Pamela takes action. | |
| 03 | 05 | 20040611 | 20041124, * 20091006 |  Reunions top the agenda at the CyberPass bistro - but are they such a good idea? Stars Mervyn Stutter. From June 2004.Reunions top the agenda at the CyberPass bistro - but are they such a good idea? If reunions are a bad idea, why do we have them? Is it to check our success against the others, or is it just the hope of exploring some unresolved nooky behind the bike sheds with Becky from 5B? | |
| 03 | 06 LAST | 20040618 | 20041201, * 20091013 |  Merv has always worn jeans, so why does Pam want to take him shopping? Stars Mervyn Stutter and Lill Roughley. From June 2004.Merv has always worn jeans, so why does Pam want to take him shopping? From June 2004. Merv likes jeans. He's always liked jeans. He can't remember when he didn't like jeans. Status Quo wear jeans, Springsteen wears jeans, Dylan wears jeans - so why does Pam want to take him shopping? What else could he possibly need? |
Cast and Crew
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External Links