The Lentil Sorters

Episodes

EpisodeTitleFirst
Broadcast
RepeatedComments
01Standard Deviation2015111120200214 (BBC7)
20200215 (BBC7)
A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, the team uncover an unexpected statistical correlation between eyebrows, strawberries and dangerous dogs.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Special guests:

Spanner....Steve Brody

Candlestick....Phil Whelans

Terry....Charlie Quirke

The Bookie....Morgan Jones

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator.

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Produced by David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met ""the man in the street"". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Meet the team:
Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she’s never actually met “the man in the street”. She’s also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He’s terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Special guests:
Spanner....Steve Brody
Candlestick....Phil Whelans
Terry....Charlie Quirke
The Bookie....Morgan Jones

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator.

Written by Jack Bernhardt
Produced by David Tyler
A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4

The team uncover a correlation between eyebrows, strawberries and dangerous dogs.

Sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics. Written by Jack Bernhardt.

A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this opening episode, the team uncover an unexpected statistical correlation between eyebrows, strawberries and dangerous dogs.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks, Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr is the Survey Researcher. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she’s never actually met “the man in the street ? She’s also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter is the Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He’s terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for 15 years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Graham Quicks.... Vincent Franklin
Audrey Carr.... Rebekah Staton
Daniel Porter.... Kieran Hodgson
Mrs Wilkins.... Julia Deakin

Special guests:

Spanner.... Steve Brody
Candlestick.... Phil Whelans
Terry.... Charlie Quirke
Bookie.... Morgan Jones

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator.

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Producer: David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4 first broadcast in November 2015.

The team uncover a correlation between eyebrows, strawberries and dangerous dogs.

Sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics. Written by Jack Bernhardt.

02Multi-parameter Database Search2020030620200221 (BBC7)
20200222 (BBC7)
A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, a database linking of Ribena and MI5 makes Graham reach for his Stress Cardigan. Also, Jane Austen and a brick.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks, Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr is the Survey Researcher. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she’s never actually met “the man in the street ? She’s also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter is the Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He’s terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for 15 years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Graham Quicks.... Vincent Franklin
Audrey Carr.... Rebekah Staton
Daniel Porter.... Kieran Hodgson
Mrs Wilkins.... Julia Deakin

Special guests:
Akif....Ray Panthaki
Black Firebird X.... Matt Green

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Producer: David Tyler

A Pozzitive production first broadcast on BBC Radio 4 Extra in February 2020.

A database linking of Ribena and MI5 makes Graham reach for his Stress Cardigan.

Sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics. Written by Jack Bernhardt.

02Researcher Bias2015111820200228 (BBC7)
20200229 (BBC7)
A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, Daniel and Audrey fight over the Welfare State with the aid of a can of strong lager, a fake police uniform and a beloved British character actor.

Meet the team:
Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Special guests:
Jonty....Tom Crowley
Stephanie....Catriona Knox
Pete Postlefake....Paul Shearer
The Policeman....Paul Putner
The Passer-By....Tessa Coates

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt
Produced by David Tyler
A Pozzitive production for the BBC

Daniel and Audrey save the Welfare State with a can of lager and a police uniform.

Sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics. Written by Jack Bernhardt.

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

A Pozzitive production for the BBC.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met ""the man in the street"". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

03False Positives2015112520200306 (BBC7)
20200307 (BBC7)
A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, a stag do, a stats conference and a blood test combine to make Graham’s life substantially worse.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks is Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Graham Quicks.... Vincent Franklin
Audrey Carr.... Rebekah Staton
Daniel Porter.... Kieran Hodgson
Mrs Wilkins.... Julia Deakin

Special guests:
The Corporate Manager....Paul Shearer
The Doctor....Catriona Knox
The Stage Manager....Tom Crowley
The Graham Gal....Tessa Coates

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Producer: David Tyler

A Pozzitive production first broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in November 2015.

A stag do, a stats conference and a blood test combine to make Graham's life worse.

Sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics. Written by Jack Bernhardt.

In this episode, a stag do, a stats conference and a blood test combine to make Graham's life substantially worse.

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Produced by David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met ""the man in the street"". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

03Researcher Bias2015111820200228 (BBC7)
20200229 (BBC7)
A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, Daniel and Audrey fight over the Welfare State with the aid of a can of strong lager, a fake police uniform and a beloved British character actor.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks is Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Graham Quicks.... Vincent Franklin
Audrey Carr.... Rebekah Staton
Daniel Porter.... Kieran Hodgson
Mrs Wilkins.... Julia Deakin

Special guests:
Jonty....Tom Crowley
Stephanie....Catriona Knox
Pete Postlefake....Paul Shearer
The Policeman....Paul Putner
The Passer-By....Tessa Coates

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Producer: David Tyler

A Pozzitive production first broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in November 2015.

Daniel and Audrey save the Welfare State with a can of lager and a police uniform.

Sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics. Written by Jack Bernhardt.

04False Positives2015112520200306 (BBC7)
20200307 (BBC7)
A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, a stag do, a stats conference and a blood test combine to make Graham’s life substantially worse.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks is Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Graham Quicks.... Vincent Franklin
Audrey Carr.... Rebekah Staton
Daniel Porter.... Kieran Hodgson
Mrs Wilkins.... Julia Deakin

Special guests:
The Corporate Manager....Paul Shearer
The Doctor....Catriona Knox
The Stage Manager....Tom Crowley
The Graham Gal....Tessa Coates

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Producer: David Tyler

A Pozzitive production first broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in November 2015.

A stag do, a stats conference and a blood test combine to make Graham's life worse.

Sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics. Written by Jack Bernhardt.

04 LASTMulti-parameter Database Search20151202

A sitcom set in the Office of Local and National Statistics which, depending on who you ask, is either where the real power of government resides, or the place where fun goes to die.

In this episode, a database linking of Ribena and MI5 makes Graham reach for his Stress Cardigan. Also, Jane Austen and a brick.

Meet the team:

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met ""the man in the street"". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Special guests:

Akif....Ray Panthaki

Black Firebird X....Matt Green

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Produced by David Tyler

A Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4.

In this episode, a database linking of Ribena and MI5 makes Graham reach for his Stress Cardigan. Also, Jane Austen and a brick.

Graham Quicks (Vincent Franklin), Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in - statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr (Rebekah Staton) is the Survey Researcher for the department. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she's never actually met "the man in the street". She's also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter (Kieran Hodgson) is the department's Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He's terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins (Julia Deakin) has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru for fifteen years. She knows where the bodies are buried. We must stress that that is a figure of speech.

Black Firebird X.... Matt Green

With Jo Unwin as The Narrator

Written by Jack Bernhardt

Produced by David Tyler

[BBC7 BD=20200306

Graham Quicks, Head of the People and Places Department of the LNS. There are three things in the world that Graham will always have faith in – statistics, the supremacy of filofaxes over computers and the idea that cardigans will never go out of style.

Audrey Carr is the Survey Researcher. She believes passionately that statistics should be used as a tool to help the man on the street. Fortunately for her, she’s never actually met “the man in the street”. She’s also passionate about Jane Austen, Les Miserables and pretending that she doesn't work in an office with Daniel.

Daniel Porter is the Data Analyst. He used to work in the City, until the City realised he was a colossal waste of space. Daniel divides his time between manipulating statistics to further his vision of capitalism, necking energy drinks and telling people his thighs are really, really strong. He’s terrible.

Mrs. Wilkins has worked as tea lady, archivist and maintenance guru fo