The Quanderhorn Xperimentations

Episodes

SeriesEpisodeTitleFirst
Broadcast
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0101It's Eating My Face2018062520190918 (BBC7)
20190919 (BBC7)
20190911 (R4)

England 1952. A time of peace, regeneration and hope. A Golden Age. Unfortunately, it's been 1952 for the past 65 years.

Meet Professor Quanderhorn (James Fleet), a maverick scientific genius with absolutely no moral compass. Assisted by a rag-tag crew - his part insect son (Freddie Fox), reputedly a "major breakthrough in Artificial Stupidity"; a recovering amnesiac (Ryan Sampson); a brilliant scientist with a half-clockwork brain (Cassie Layton); a captured Martian hostage (Kevin Eldon) and a sinister factotum (John Sessions). He'll save the world. Even if he has to destroy it in the process.

With his Dangerous Giant Space Laser, High Rise Farm, Utterly Untested Matter Transfuser Booth and Fleets of Monkey-driven Lorries, he's not afraid to push the boundaries of science to their very limit. And far, far beyond.

But his arch nemesis, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, has plans to put a stop to his Infernal Xperimentations once and for all.

It's an Adventure beyond human understanding in Super-Vis-O-Sound.

Will our Crew of Brave Boffins survive? Tune in next week - if there is such a thing -for the next thrilling instalment.

An Absolutely production for BBC Radio 4.

Brian Nylon (Ryan Sampson) awakes with no memory to find time behaving very oddly indeed.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

Meet Professor Quanderhorn (James Fleet), a maverick scientific genius with absolutely no moral compass. Assisted by a rag-tag crew - his part insect son (Freddie Fox), reputedly a "major breakthrough in Artificial Stupidity"; a recovering amnesiac (Ryan Sampson); a brilliant scientist with a half-clockwork brain (Cassie Layton); a captured Martian hostage (Kevin Eldon) and a sinister factotum (John Sessions). He'll save the world. Even if he has to destroy it in the process.

But his arch nemesis, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, has plans to put a stop to his Infernal Xperimentations once and for all.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0102Mummy! My Donkey's Head Is Exploding2018070220190925 (BBC7)
20190926 (BBC7)
20190918 (R4)

It's still 1952.

It's always still 1952.

The crew of Professor Quanderhorn (James Fleet) are about to have their space craft shredded like a savoy cabbage by a massive gravitational wave. Only Martian hostage Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) can save them.

But will the self-declared 'miserable coward and despicable turncoat' risk his life and even his very sanity by mind-leaping into Quanderhorn's 'son' Troy (Freddie Fox), a half-insectoid, touted as 'a major breakthrough in Artificial Stupidity'?

Meanwhile, behind the post office in the nearby village, a glowing, throbbing meteorite is exuding a strange influence on the local inhabitants.

When Dr Janussen (Cassie Layton), Guuuurk, Troy and even Quanderhorn himself appear to be possessed by an alien intelligence, Brian (Ryan Sampson) is faced with a perilous dilemma.

And who is that peculiar hot chestnut seller who bears a startling resemblance to Prime Minister Churchill (John Sessions)?

The Quanderhorn Xperimentations - an adventure beyond human understanding.

An Absolutely production for BBC Radio 4.

Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) risks his life and his sanity to save the crew from the X-Barrier.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

The crew of Professor Quanderhorn (James Fleet) are about to have their space craft shredded like a savoy cabbage by a massive gravitational wave. Only Martian hostage Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) can save them.

And who is that peculiar hot chestnut seller who bears a startling resemblance to Prime Minister Churchill (John Sessions)?

Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) risks his life and his sanity to save the crew from the X-Barrier.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0103A Little Thing Like Chocolate Gates Can't Stop Us2018070920191002 (BBC7)
20191003 (BBC7)
20190925 (R4)

It's 1952.

Again.

Professor Quanderhorn (James Fleet) and his crew are besieged by a mob of alien-possessed villagers. Their only hope - a highly-trained spy parrot with a bad attitude (Kevin Eldon) and an irritating gramophone record by the Queen of the Hammond organ.

Having been permanently fitted with a rather dangerous experimental bra, Brian (Ryan Sampson) finally steels himself to face the nightmare horrors of the professor's cellar, unaware that a secret camera is set to expose him.

Meanwhile, Dr Janussen (Cassie Layton) has discovered a message from Virginia (Rachel Atkins) revealing the terrible secret that turned her into a broccoli monster.

As Troy (Freddie Fox) and Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) join the not-quite-romantic pair while fleeing the merciless cellar defences, Troy inadvertently presses the wrong lift button and they find themselves heading pell mell....for the Moon.

The Quanderhorn Xperimentations - an adventure beyond human understanding.

Cast:
Professor Quanderhorn- James Fleet
Brian Nylon- Ryan Sampson
Dr Gemini Janussen- Cassie Layton
Guuurk- Kevin Eldon
Troy Quanderhorn- Freddie Fox
Winston Churchill/Jenkins- John Sessions
Synthetic Voice Rachel Atkins

Created and written by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall
Directed by Andrew Marshall
Music by Peter Brewis
Engineered, Edited and Sound designed by Alistair McGregor
Production Manager: Sarah Tombling
Produced by Rob Grant and Gordon Kennedy
Recorded at The Soundhouse Studios

An Absolutely production for BBC Radio 4.

Dr Janussen (Cassie Layton) discovers a terrible secret about the giant broccoli monster.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0104The Splattered Remains Of Undentifiable Organs Incident All Over Again2018071620191009 (BBC7)
20191010 (BBC7)
20191002 (R4)

It's still 1952. It's always 1952.

The Quanderhorn crew find themselves on Advanced Lunar Station Q, with no means of returning to Earth and limited oxygen supplies.

Splitting into two teams after a game of Martian Closey-Eyesie, Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) and Troy (Freddie Fox) fall prey to a ravenous Lunar Man Trap, while Brian (Ryan Sampson) and Gemma (Cassie Layton) stumble upon an intact space craft.

But there are two problems. Gemma's ear is unwinding, rendering her emotionally unstable, and there's no apparent entrance to the craft.

Having rather astonishingly escaped their various dilemmas, the crew encounter yet another conundrum - how exactly is the ship powered?

Jenkins (John Sessions), the professor's factotum, detects a spacecraft approaching Earth which Quanderhorn (James Fleet) orders him to blast out of the sky, apparently unaware his own crew is aboard.

The Quanderhorn Xperimentations - an adventure beyond human understanding.

Cast:
Professor Quanderhorn- James Fleet
Brian Nylon- Ryan Sampson
Dr Gemini Janussen- Cassie Layton
Guuurk- Kevin Eldon
Troy Quanderhorn- Freddie Fox
Winston Churchill/Jenkins- John Sessions
Synthetic Voice Rachel Atkins

Created and written by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall
Directed by Andrew Marshall
Music by Peter Brewis
Engineered, Edited and Sound designed by Alistair McGregor
Production Manager: Sarah Tombling
Produced by Rob Grant and Gordon Kennedy
Recorded at The Soundhouse Studios

An Absolutely production for BBC Radio 4

Jenkins (John Sessions) discovers the crew have taken the lift to the Moon.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0105Fear! Terror! Gut-wrenching Horror! Arg Arg. Please!2018072320191016 (BBC7)
20191017 (BBC7)
20191009 (R4)

It's 1952, as usual.

Having fired the Dangerous Giant Space Laser at the alien vessel containing his crew, Quanderhorn (James Fleet) creates "improved" duplicates of them all as replacements.

Meanwhile the originals - having luckily escaped the blast by triggering the Mercurian metadrive thanks to an astonishingly angry outburst from Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) - find themselves marooned in a strange forest which the Martian deduces is somewhere in the Crab Nebula.

The professor receives a dire warning from his future self, as an ancient alien ziggurat emerges at Piccadilly Circus Tube Station - just by the chocolate machine. He hastens to London to investigate with his new assistants.

Our heroes are slightly surprised when a number 43 bus to Highgate Woods arrives unexpectedly and they race to Piccadilly Circus to confront the professor and their doppelgangers.

But Prime Minister Churchill (John Sessions) has plans of his own to deal with Quanderhorn, and summons up his crack Lab Busting bomber squadron.

The Quanderhorn Xperimentations - an adventure beyond human understanding.

Cast:
Professor Quanderhorn- James Fleet
Brian Nylon- Ryan Sampson
Dr Gemini Janussen- Cassie Layton
Guuurk- Kevin Eldon
Troy Quanderhorn- Freddie Fox
Winston Churchill/Jenkins- John Sessions
Synthetic Voice Rachel Atkins

Created and written by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall
Directed by Andrew Marshall
Music by Peter Brewis
Engineered, Edited and Sound designed by Alistair McGregor
Production Manager: Sarah Tombling
Produced by Rob Grant and Gordon Kennedy
Recorded at The Soundhouse Studios

An Absolutely production for BBC Radio 4

The professor (James Fleet) receives a call from his future self with a dire warning.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

Having fired the Dangerous Giant Space Laser at the alien vessel containing his crew, Quanderhorn (James Fleet) creates "improved" duplicates of them all as replacements.

Meanwhile the originals - having luckily escaped the blast by triggering the Mercurian metadrive thanks to an astonishingly angry outburst from Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) - find themselves marooned in a strange forest which the Martian deduces is somewhere in the Crab Nebula.

But Prime Minister Churchill (John Sessions) has plans of his own to deal with Quanderhorn, and summons up his crack Lab Busting bomber squadron.

Cast:
Professor Quanderhorn- James Fleet
Brian Nylon- Ryan Sampson
Dr Gemini Janussen- Cassie Layton
Guuurk- Kevin Eldon
Troy Quanderhorn- Freddie Fox
Winston Churchill/Jenkins- John Sessions
Synthetic Voice Rachel Atkins

Created and written by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall
Directed by Andrew Marshall
Music by Peter Brewis
Engineered, Edited and Sound designed by Alistair McGregor
Production Manager: Sarah Tombling
Produced by Rob Grant and Gordon Kennedy
Recorded at The Soundhouse Studios

The professor (James Fleet) receives a call from his future self with a dire warning.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0106 LASTDah Dah Dah Dah Dah Dahh Dah Dah Dah Dah Dahhhh...2018073020191023 (BBC7)
20191024 (BBC7)
20191016 (R4)

It's 1952. Of course.

As Churchill's squadron of bagpiping bombers grows closer, our intrepid crew and their duplicates face the diabolical traps of the Alien ziggurat.

Meanwhile, Jenkins (John Sessions) races back to the laboratory to secure the cellar, and uncovers a duplicate Quanderhorn (James Fleet), who claims he's the real thing.

Barely surviving the Deadly Duck Trap, the Waterfall of Glue and the Collapsing Stairway of Strangling Vines, Brian (Ryan Sampson) and the originals face the ultimate challenge - the Mirror Maze of Laser Death.

The duplicates reach the prize, the legendary Gaulus Tempus - the Time Bucket - but they are immediately betrayed by Guuuurk 2 (Kevin Eldon) who claims it for Mars.

Can Gemma (Cassie Layton), Troy (Freddie Fox), Guuuurk and Brian triumph and use the Time Bucket to save reality before the bombers strike and the bagpipers strike up Ride of the Valkyries?

The Quanderhorn Xperimentations - an adventure beyond human understanding.

Cast:
Professor Quanderhorn- James Fleet
Brian Nylon- Ryan Sampson
Dr Gemini Janussen- Cassie Layton
Guuurk- Kevin Eldon
Troy Quanderhorn- Freddie Fox
Winston Churchill/Jenkins- John Sessions
Synthetic Voice Rachel Atkins

Created and written by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall
Directed by Andrew Marshall
Music by Peter Brewis
Engineered, Edited and Sound designed by Alistair McGregor
Production Manager: Sarah Tombling
Produced by Rob Grant and Gordon Kennedy
Recorded at The Soundhouse Studios

An Absolutely production for BBC Radio 4

Troy (Freddie Fox) tries to comfort a dying Brian (Ryan Sampson). And fails.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0201Killdiboos And Universibold Explodibangbang2020042920200506 (BBC7)
20200507 (BBC7)

Can Quanderhorn (James Fleet) and his trepid crew save the world from the end of reality?

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

Mercurial genius, Professor Quanderhorn (James Fleet) has created a time loop, rendering it permanently 1952.

His arch nemesis, Churchill (John Sessions) has sent a wave of bagpiping bombers to unleash their payload over the 5th dimensional storage tanks holding the captured time, and reality is about to be destroyed.

The Professor and his rag-tag crew – test pilot Brian Nylon (Ryan Sampson), clockwork-emotioned Dr Gemini Janussen (Cassie Layton), caddish Martian hostage Guuuurk (Kevin Eldon) and Quanderhorn’s part-insectoid son Troy (Freddie Fox), along with factotum Jenkins (John Sessions. Again) – escape by scattering themselves through time.

Troy and Guuuurk find themselves in a cave in the Pleistocene Era, with some rather unnerving co-habitants.

Brian and the Professor have an unexpected Latin lesson, resulting in Brian being given as a gift to a beautiful Roman noblewoman. He’s rather worried to discover what’s supposed to happen next.

Dr Janussen and Sergeant “Jenkins” Jenkins are spirited to the mid-seventeenth century, where they encounter a strangely familiar-looking Witchfinder General.

Starring
James Fleet as Professor Quanderhorn
Ryan Sampson as Brian Nylon
Cassie Layton as Dr Gemini Janussen
Freddie Fox as Troy Quanderhorn
Kevin Eldon as Guuuurk
John Sessions as Sergeant 'Jenkins' Jenkins and Churchill
Rachel Atkins as Delores

Created and Written by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall
Directed by Andrew Marshall

Studio Engineer and Editor: Alisdair McGregor
Production Manager: Sarah Tombling
Recorded at The Soundhouse Studios
Produced by Rob Grant and Gordon Kennedy

An Absolutely production for BBC Radio 4

Dr Janussen and Sergeant “Jenkins ? Jenkins are spirited to the mid-seventeenth century, where they encounter a strangely familiar-looking Witchfinder General.

0202Shoveleth In More Hazelnuts!2020050620200513 (BBC7)
20200514 (BBC7)

Brian, Guuuurk and Troy are condemned to death for crimes against Interior Decoration.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0203Wasp2020051320200520 (BBC7)
20200521 (BBC7)

The crew return to the near past to prevent the bombs from eradicating reality.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0204I Didn't Say It Was Well Cloaked2020052020200527 (BBC7)
20200528 (BBC7)

The crew are trained in Martianosity to infiltrate the Mothership, with variable success.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0205Am I Actually The Other Half Of Gemma Emma Emma?2020052720200603 (BBC7)
20200604 (BBC7)

The Martians fire the weapon-melting ray, leaving Earth defenceless to the invasion fleet.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.

0206I Heregy Thind You Guilky20200603

Professor Quanderhorn is executed.

Sci-fi comedy series by Rob Grant and Andrew Marshall.