The Spider

Hidden amongst the long grass a spider is busy spinning. But this is no ordinary spider and it's no ordinary web that she's spinning. Alison Steadman plays Sandra the sun-loving spider and her 'alter ego', Patsy, in a funny tale written by Lynne Truss about an eight legged femme fatale. Sandra is a Nursery web spider, and as for the spinning; well she just can't help herself "Oh, Sandra, how many more times, my love? You are not a loom!" she cries. In fact, as she explains, she doesn't even have to make webs. Other spiders have to make webs to catch their dinner, but not the Nursery Web spider; she simply hunts down her prey, jumping out and surprising them, "its much more energy efficient and leaves more time for sitting in the sun admiring your own legs". Nevertheless she is very good at spinning which is just as well, because her web makes a perfect 'tent' or nursery in which to look after her young. Spinning also takes her mind off things, like her recent unfortunate encounters with male suitors who dupe her with their gifts, fake accents and cheating ways. The result is "pregnant with no dinner" and a family of over 100 spiderlings; quite a handful for a spider who never really wanted to be a mother. And so, Sandra sits by her nursery web, sharing her troubles with us and her 'alter ego', Patsy when she's not being interrupted by the "Spider Relationship Councillor". With wildlife sound recordings by Chris Watson and expert advice from Tim Cockerill, arachnophobes beware as on the eve of Halloween, a Nursery web spider takes to the airwaves, to reveal what life is really like in amongst the long grass!

Alison Steadman plays a nursery web spider in this funny tale written by Lynne Truss.